When I think about the things I should have learned
I wouldn't have got my fingers burned
I wouldn't have taken that wrong turn
When I think about the things I should have learned
Why I didn't, I don't know
I guess I'm a little... slow

I should have learned that mashed potato doesn't go with chips
Should have learned that when I park the car I should always check for skips
It's a moment on the tongue, but a lifetime on the hips
I should have learned... I should have learned

I should have learned to read the question before starting the exam
And sometimes thin and crispy can be nicer than deep pan
Should have learned to tell the difference between a woman and man
I should have learned... I should have learned

I should have learned that cut price flowers aren't her idea of romance
I should have learned when to play it safe and when to take a chance
I should have checked for window cleaners before dancing in my pants
I should have learned... I should have learned

I should have learned I'm not the kind of guy who can pull off a sarong
And when she asked "does my bum look big in this" I shouldn't have paused that long
I should have learned that I'm not always right, but my wife is never wrong
I should have learned... I should have learned

I should have learned that when you write a song but don't spend that much time
You can't put something funny in every single line
And you can't expect your words to somehow magically scan properly
I should have learned... I should have learned

I should have learned that when my life is drifting slowly down the pan
Sometimes you've got to muddle through any way you can
And my mistakes turned into something I never could have planned
I should have learned... I should have learned